9/10/2023 0 Comments Spike dudley mcmahon wwe(You know, I'm not nearly drunk enough right now.)Ĩ:32 - Trish pins Don Cheadle for the win. Trish comes out wearing a purple outfit with her fake breasts popping out everywhere, prompting Lawler to say, "Purple puppies! Oh, puppies look great in purple!" Is there anything worse than getting hit with a pair of brass knuckles that have been hanging out next to somebody's genitals for 15 sweaty minutes? Seriously, anything?Ĩ:26 - It's time for another WWF tradition: The crappy women's title match! Tonight we have newcomer Jazz (who looks a little like Don Cheadle in drag) against champion Trish Stratus (about 10 months away from her first Cinemax movie). Then he yanks a pair of brass knuckles out of his shorts, knocking Edge out cold to get the pin. That's the least they could offer us for $39.95.Ĩ:22 - Regal pulls two old-time wrestling moves: First he pulls the referee in front of him to block a running clothesline from Edge, knocking the ref practically unconscious. As for Regal, he's an English guy coming off major surgery for a badly broken nose, which means everyone hopes he'll get inadvertently hit in the face again so blood will spurt everywhere. Usually when a wrestler has one name (like Edge), that means, "We couldn't think of a gimmick for this guy," but Edge isn't half-bad. As Jim Ross says, "You don't have to be the biggest dog in the fight to have the biggest fight in you." Sounds like my prom night.Ĩ:12 - Next up, William Regal against Edge for the Intercontinental Championship. Don't ask.Ĩ:09 - Tazz comes in, cleans house, puts everyone in his favorite chokehold (the Tazz-mission) and gets Devon to tap out for the win. Spike is a 5-foot-4 white guy who weighs about 110 pounds Bubba Ray is a big white guy Devon is a big black guy. If the WWF were a female college student, they would wear a cute red sweater to a party one night, receive a few compliments on it, then wear the same sweater every night for the next six months.)Ĩ:06 - I forgot to mention, the Dudley Boyz and Spike Dudley are all brothers. (Important note: Nobody beats a good thing into the ground quite like the WWF, another reason the product is struggling right now. The Dudley Boyz were red-hot about six months ago with a "We like to throw people through tables" gimmick, but in classic WWF fashion, they were quickly overexposed, beaten into the ground and left for dead once the fans grew tired of them. Within 15 minutes, we'll be seeing scantily clad women and fans holding signs like, "THE HO TRAIN STOPS HERE!"Ĩ:04 - First up, a tag-team match between the Dudley Boyz and champions Tazz and Spike Dudley, who were given the belts a few weeks ago because of a little-known rule that everyone on the WWF roster gets to hold the tag-team belts for at least two weeks. Tonight's event starts off with a sappy montage of clips, sound bites and pictures from past Rumbles, with classical music blaring in the background. We're joined by announcers Jim "Good God!" Ross and Jerry Lawler, along with three longneck bottles of Miller Lite, some leftover macaroni and cheese and an icy-cold Red Bull. We're live from the Philips Arena in Atlanta, Georgia! You know this is a fake sport because there's a sellout crowd going wild in Atlanta. If you hate pro wrestling, stop reading now or forever hold your peace. And like most fans, I'm a little pissed off about it.Īnyway, I managed to put my disappointment in the WWF aside for one night to watch the Rumble and keep a running diary. To paraphrase Bruce Springsteen, it's a death trap, it's a suicide rap. Instead of building young talent the way they did in the mid-'90s, they're relying on the same tactics that ruined WCW's product - too many plot twists, too many character changes, and expensive veterans-prima donnas who don't care about advancing younger stars. There isn't a better indicator of this than the fact they're close to bringing back a number of washed-up WCW stars, including the decrepit Hulk Hogan, who hasn't wrestled a good match since I was in college. The fact remains, McMahon and company have been running their business into the ground, XFL-style. well, maybe we could talk about the effects of 9/11. Put it this way: If they hadn't mangled their potential merger with the WCW, if they hadn't turned off older fans with the over-smut, if they hadn't overexposed the product and their characters with two weekly wrestling shows, if they hadn't ruined some of their top characters by changing the plots too often. 11 fallout, but that turned out to be an absolute crock. Vince McMahon and company originally blamed declining TV ratings and attendance figures on a post-Sept. it hasn't been good times at all for the WWF.
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